Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
