my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
