If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
