jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
there is puke in my bra ... again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
