I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
