Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
