I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
