Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
