girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
