hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
