I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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