bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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