I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
