So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
