Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
