A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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