i don't like sucking hair
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
