they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
