Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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