Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
