They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
