Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
