I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
