I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
