yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
