So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did i walk over a car last night?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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