WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
