end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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