she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
