I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
