Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
