Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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