I want to have your abortion
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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