gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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