She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
