He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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