I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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