Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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