where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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