If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
