I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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