just come out here and I will go home with you...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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