Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
