yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
