just tell him i said nine months
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
