I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
