DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
