im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
