She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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