are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
