one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
