i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
