I puked a lego.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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